Fiddler on the Roof (1971)

Tags

Drama, Family, Musical

(Try reading this poem to the tune of “If I Were a Rich Man”)

 

Back in Czarist Russia,

Tevye is a Jewish milkman with three daughters yet to wed.

Though he may be struggling and poor,

Still he keeps his family fed.

Tzeitel is the eldest;

And the matchmaker has found the perfect match, or so she thinks,

Lazar Wolf, a wealthy butcher man,

Though he is quite old and stinks.

 

Tevye goes to see him;

After going back and forth on whether to approve the match,

He assents and both then celebrate,

But there is an unknown catch.

Tzeitel loves a tailor,

Which her father learns once he has spent a night out with the bottle.

Though he’s angry at this sudden change,

He says she can wed her Motel.

 

At his daughter’s marriage,

Tevye sees his second daughter Hodel dancing with a man.

Though this shocks the many wedding guests,

He joins in because he can.

But the celebration

Is disrupted by a group of soldiers, who attack the Jews.

Mostly they harm property and such,

Yet it can’t help but confuse.

 

Later Hodel tells him

She and Perchik want to marry, though he’s leaving for a time.

They seek blessing, not his permission,

And to him, this seems a crime.

Tevye thinks it over:

Things are changing and he might as well accept love will prevail;

He consents, and Perchik leaves for town,

But he soon is sent to jail.

 

Hodel wants to join him

In Siberia and sadly leaves her father and her home.

Tevye’s sad to see his daughter go,

But he bids his child Shalom.

His third daughter Chava

Asks her father to accept her own forbidden love somehow,

But this Gentile isn’t of their race,

And this Tevye won’t allow.

 

They both wed regardless.

Tevye turns his back on Chava and regards his daughter dead.

He will only bend so very far,

Though there are still tears to shed.

Then comes even worse news:

Their town constable declares that all the Jews must quickly leave.

Anatevka must be emptied soon,

And the Jewish people grieve.

 

Tevye and his family

Leave their home to seek America but do not stay aloof.

Their tradition keeps them balanced yet

Like a fiddler on a roof.

_________________

 

Fiddler on the Roof was once the longest-running Broadway musical and certainly deserves its esteemed reputation. While Zero Mostel immortalized the role of Tevye in the original Broadway production, Topol makes the role his own in this film version, having played it in the London production as well. His monologues to the audience and to God, going on and on about what’s “on the other hand,” are absolutely masterful, and the other actors imbue their characters with just the right amount of distinctive charm. Tevye himself is an outstanding character, understanding and willing to concede for the sake of his daughters, yet, though he should certainly draw the line somewhere, it’s unfortunate that his unyielding stand involves forsaking his daughter. It’s a role of a lifetime, and, not having seen Mostel’s version, I can’t envision anyone else in the role.

The film is a first-rate snapshot of an extinct way of life, a time of poor milk men, flighty matchmakers, and rigid traditions that outlaw men dancing with women. In its details, it is also an insightful view of how Scripture can be twisted to mean whatever the interpreter may want and a touching look at how difficult relationships can still be grounded in love. I’ve never understood many people’s hatred of Jews, whether in Czarist Russia or Nazi Germany or even in the present day, and the film doesn’t try to explain the sudden pogrom forced upon the peaceful villagers; it remains as mystifying to the characters as to the audience and just as heartbreaking. This, coupled with Tevye’s rejection of his third daughter, makes the second half of the film a real downer, detracting from its entertainment value.

The best part of a musical is, of course, the music, and Fiddler on the Roof has a very unique sound. Most songs are very Yiddish and Jewish-sounding without becoming repetitive, while others are typical Broadway-style tunes. The opener “Tradition” and “Matchmaker” start the film off with the right mood, and the celebratory “To Life” is a show-stopping number that was much better than I remembered. Some songs carry a special emotional punch to them, particularly “Sunrise, Sunset,” which reflects the feelings of two parents realizing how much their children have grown. While “Tevye’s Dream” leans a bit too far in a surreal direction, the best tune of them all is the aforementioned “If I Were a Rich Man,” which is made all the more memorable by Topol’s energetic performance and rich, deep voice. The film overall has some slow parts and goes on a bit too long, but it’s a grand and humorous musical that extols tradition and its role in keeping us stable in a hectic world.

Best line: (Tevye, explaining the title with the film’s first lines) “A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no? But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn’t easy. You may ask ‘Why do we stay up there if it’s so dangerous?’ Well, we stay because Anatevka is our home. And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in one word: tradition!”

 

Artistry: 9

Characters/Actors: 9

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 3

Originality: 8

Watchability: 6

Other (slow and depressing ending): -3

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #222 – Steel Magnolias

© 2014 S. G. Liput

116 Followers and Counting

 

Remember the Titans (2000)

Tags

Drama, Family, Sports

T. C. Williams High School is about to be desegregated,

All for PC reasons no one in the town is for.

When Herman Boone is named head football coach, he’s widely hated

By white men for replacing William Yoast, whom they adore.

 

Boone is black, and Yoast is white, and neither one enjoys the fuss;

Yoast could leave, but he remains to still help flinty Boone.

As the black and white team members gather for the practice bus,

They are told to sit together and to share a room.

 

Summer practice is a bear as Boone exacts a rigid pace,

Saying they must all be “perfect,” just to make the team.

Except for one, they’re distant from those of the other race,

But Boone demands they mingle, making workouts more extreme.

 

Yoast is suspect of this tactic, but it seems to do the trick.

Julius and Bertier become especially close friends.

Although they’re now a unit, eager for some butts to kick,

The town is still indignant as the summer training ends.

 

Though the Titans win some games, Boone knows he’s fired if they should lose.

Bertier is left alone by his white friends for his pal’s sake.

Yet, as the team keeps winning and the Titans make the news,

A few begin to think their enmity was a mistake.

 

While high on recent victory, Bertier endures a sudden crash

That makes him paraplegic and prevents continued play.

He watches as the Titans and their toughest rivals clash

In the final championship, in which the Titans win the day.

 

Boone and Yoast went on to coach their team for several years to come;

Bertier played in the Paralympics and won shot put gold.

Although he died in ’81, he helped his team become

A colorblind success for every high school to behold.

____________________

 

Remember the Titans is one of those inspiring football movies that everyone can root for, even though they already know the inevitably inspiring end. By mixing in the racial tension of the 1970s, the film creates a more difficult conflict to rise above than most sports films. Normally the main conflict has to do with the underdog team surmounting hardships to achieve victory in a final game. While that is certainly present, particularly in the down-to-the-minute Hollywood ending, the Titans end up winning every game they play. The real struggle is not with the opposite team but with the prevailing mindset of the day, of blacks and whites disliking and distrusting each other such that a united team seems impossible. The animosity is well-balanced between the two sides, and while the continued racism of the characters becomes increasingly frustrating as most just don’t “get” it while a chosen few do, seeing such divides fall in the wake of friendship and brotherhood can’t help but bring a smile to one’s face.

Denzel Washington gives one of his best performances as Coach Herman Boone, as does Will Patton, whom I never would have thought of as a football coach based on his subtly smooth voice in other roles (see Entrapment and No Way Out). Washington’s exchange about football being fun (or not) is a great scene that is not nearly well-known enough. I also liked Hayden Panettiere as Yoast’s football-crazed young daughter and Ethan Suplee as Louie Lastik, who seems like the only one without a shred of prejudice, and the rest of the cast fill their roles well enough, though many don’t make as much of an impression.

If you like football movies or films about overcoming prejudice, Remember the Titans is a must. I know it’s because it is a Disney film, but I applaud the fact that the filmmakers exhibited racial tension without a bunch of profanity or even using the N-word, as so many other such films do. In addition, it boasts an excellent soundtrack of ‘60s and ‘70s pop music that serves as a welcome shot of nostalgia, especially when the characters themselves start singing. In addition to the Titans’ famous theme song, I was touched at how they changed the song “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” into a poignant sendoff at a funeral. It may fool with some of the particulars of the true story it is based upon and oversimplify the issues at hand, but it shows that football, almost as much as love, faith, and the like, has the power to bring people together and break down barriers.

Best line: (Boone) “Think you got a future in football?” (Lastik) “Heck, no! I figured as long as I’m going to be in school, I might as well hit some people while I’m at it.”

 

Artistry: 8

Characters/Actors: 9

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: N/A (there was one car crash, but not much else)

Originality: 6

Watchability: 8

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #223 – Fiddler on the Roof

© 2014 S. G. Liput

116 Followers and Counting

 

Scrooged (1988)

Tags

Christmas, Comedy, Fantasy

If Francis Cross, a TV boss,

Were dead, no one would mourn the loss.

He’s cruel and mean, at times obscene,

Controlling every TV screen.

At Christmas time, the selfish slime

Promotes his live Scrooge on prime time.

He quickly bags the slightest nags,

Like Eliot, who’s sunk to rags.

 

Then Frank one night is shown a fright;

His old dead boss appears in sight.

He tells Frank he indeed will be

Soon visited by spirits three.

While Frank at first believes the worst,

His fears of spirits are dispersed.

He talks with Claire, who’s quick to care

But left him long before his scare.

 

Frank still freaks out when there’s no doubt;

The Ghost of Christmas Past’s about.

He smokes and drives; soon Frank arrives

In his past, watching former lives:

His own childhood misunderstood

And how his job trumped Claire for good.

When this Ghost ends, Frank tries amends

With Claire, who cares for homeless friends.

 

Frank’s selfishness still causes stress,

And his alarm creates a mess.

The Present’s Ghost is Frank’s next host

And loves to pummel Frank the most.

His secretary, poor but merry,

Is shown by the ghostly fairy.

Frank then sees his bro at ease

And some poor man who chose to freeze.

 

The future next leaves Frank most vexed;

It’s even worse than he expects.

It scares him straight; he soon can’t wait

To do good and avert this fate.

Though Eliot had just had it

And tried to shoot Frank in a fit,

Frank gladly hires the man he fired

And has him help his plan inspired.

 

While on the air, Frank does declare

His love for Christmas and for Claire.

He steals the show and tells folks go

Outside and smell the mistletoe.

Claire comes that night, despite stage fright,

And on TV they reunite.

The joyful throng then sings a song

In one big merry sing-along.

____________________

 

Scrooged is a comedic merging of Dickens’s classic A Christmas Carol with the macabre humor of Beetlejuice, and Bill Murray as the Scroogish Frank Cross pours his talented unlikability into the role. Far more nasty than he was at the start of Groundhog Day, Murray succeeds in making the audience hate him just as much as many characters do, thus making his ghostly punishment and his turnaround at the end utterly satisfying. The film has plenty of humor, though it’s not nearly as quotable or laugh-out-loud funny as his earlier Ghostbusters, and there’s a healthy dose of weirdness thrown into the mix, such as Carol Kane’s bizarre yet strangely gratifying penchant for walloping Frank as the Ghost of Christmas Present. At least he deserved it since he was a self-proclaimed “schmuck.” (By the way, I take issue with that word since I had a teacher named Mrs. Schmuck and she was very nice.)

Karen Allen plays his winsome lost love, who is given more of a role than Scrooge’s Belle, and Bobcat Goldthwait goes hilariously nuts as Frank’s luckless ex-employee Eliot Loudermilk. Robert Mitchum, John Forsythe, and Alfre Woodard round out the main cast. Aside from these principal roles, the film has more random ‘80s cameos than a Muppet movie, tossing in Buddy Hackett, Jamie Farr, Lee Majors, Robert Goulet, John Houseman, and Mary Lou Retton just for the heck of it.

The somewhat dated Scrooged may lack the religious overtones of the original story and throws in some unfortunate language and sexual dialogue, but by the end, one cannot help but smile as Murray talks to the TV camera, thus breaking the fourth wall as he addresses the movie audience as well. The final rendition of “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” is downright classic and deserves a place in my End Credits Song Hall of Fame. As they say in the film, “Yule love it!”

Best line: (Frank, during the broadcast at the end) “It’s Christmas Eve! It’s… it’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we… we… we smile a little easier, we… w-w-we… we… we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be!”

 

Artistry: 6

Characters/Actors: 7

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: 6

Originality: 8

Watchability: 7

Other (language, sexual dialogue): -3

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #224 – Remember the Titans

© 2014 S. G. Liput

116 Followers and Counting

 

Forget Paris (1995)

Tags

Comedy, Drama, Romance

 When Andy and Liz are about to be married,

They talk over dinner while waiting for friends.

When Andy refers to one story quite varied,

Liz bids him continue to see how it ends.

 

He talks about Mickey, a loathed referee,

Who buried his unloving father in France.

The airline misplaced him for days (though for free),

But Mickey met Ellen and sparked a romance.

 

They spent time in Paris, their love growing strong,

And Mickey was heartbroken having to leave.

He later found out she was wed all along,

But was separated with no cause to grieve.

 

She got a divorce and left Paris for Mickey.

Their traveling honeymoon was truly great,

But settling down proved a little more tricky;

The schedules of each made the other one wait.

 

Whenever one half of the pair was contented,

The other was miserable, mad, and depressed.

They tried very hard, but the more they lamented

The more each of them felt entrapped and oppressed.

 

They tried having children but could not conceive,

And with Mickey’s travels, they drifted apart.

At last Paris beckons and Ellen must leave,

And both of them feel like they have half a heart.

 

By this time, poor Liz is heartsick and in tears,

From this tale that’s been told by the friends who arrive.

For Mickey they wait, but a guy overhears

And tells them the news from a game he saw live.

 

While Mickey was doing his referee role,

A woman approached, and the couple embraced.

Indeed, it was Ellen, to make their hearts whole,

And not let their marriage and love go to waste.

 

She said “Forget Paris,” for they have moved on,

And though it be tough, they will try it once more.

Then Mickey and Ellen show up close to dawn,

And all give a toast with the ones they adore.

___________________

 

Forget Paris is a romantic comedy in the same vein as Nora Ephron’s films, but it was actually Billy Crystal, one of the stars of Ephron’s When Harry Met Sally…, who directed, produced, co-wrote, and acted in this charming depiction of the highs and lows of married life. It is replete with comic situations and hilarious lines, such as a snarky waiter who keeps comparing himself to different wines, and much of Crystal’s dialogue sounds like clips from his stand-up performances. Some may think it strange to see him romantically involved with anyone other than Meg Ryan, but Debra Winger has good chemistry with Crystal and can usually match his wit and comic timing pretty well. Though she normally takes dramatic roles, that scene with the pigeon proves how great a comedic actress she can be. This is also the film that marked the start of her six-year hiatus from movies.

The film has a laudable lesson of sacrifice for the sake of sticking with a difficult marriage, though it’s unfortunate that the main characters are miserable most of the time. It’s ultimately a film that lets the audience laugh at a situation that would normally make them cry if it were actually happening to them. No one would want to spend time with a kooky father-in-law who repeats the same thing over and over; no one wants to be left alone by a spouse who travels for months at a time; and certainly no one wants to have a pigeon glued to their head. Yet seeing other people deal with such issues makes the film extremely entertaining. On the other hand, it takes itself seriously enough to deal with the very real problems that marriages face, and Mickey and Ellen’s bickering certainly sounds like an authentic married debate.

Lest Forget Paris devolve into an overly sentimental chick flick, such as those mocked in Sleepless in Seattle (and to some extent in this film too), Crystal threw in a welcome element for the guys in the audience. As a referee, Mickey gets to interact with a number of famous basketball players and mouth off to them however he likes. The way he snaps over too many complaints is hilarious, and I’m sure Crystal had a lot of fun doing those scenes.

There are some problems with the film, such as the mandatory premarital-sex-to-show-how-in-love-they-are cliché. Foul language is present, though minimal, and there is a rather uncomfortable sequence involving a sperm donation. Despite these, Forget Paris has a unique framing structure; a number of talented stars, including Julie Kavner, Richard Masur, and Joe Montegna; and a heartwarming ending (similar to that of When Harry Met Sally…) that indicates there’s hope for every marriage so long as the couple don’t give up on love.

Best line: (Mickey) “Never say ‘famous last words’ because they could be.”  (Ellen) “You’re a disturbed person, aren’t you?”   (Mickey, apparently mimicking Jeremy Irons from Reversal of Fortune) “You have no idea.”

VC’s best line: (Ellen, about her first husband) “No, he makes me miserable.”   (Mickey) “Well, I could do that! Come on, give me a chance.”

 

Artistry: 8

Characters/Actors: 8

Entertainment: 9

Visual Effects: N/A

Originality: 8

Watchability: 9

Other (language, sexual dialogue): -3

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #225 – Scrooged

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting

 

The Legend of Zorro (2005)

Tags

Action, Superhero

Alejandro De La Vega, known as Zorro to the masses,

Has defended for ten years all of the helpless lower classes,

But his faithful wife Elena wants her husband to be done

So he’ll spend time with Joaquin, their mini-Zorro of a son.

 

California will soon join the Union as its newest state,

And a bandit named McGivens wants to stop this favored fate.

Zorro stops him once but later cannot save a man in need

When McGivens tries to threaten him and plunder his land’s deed.

 

In the meantime, Alejandro is confronted with divorce,

And Elena soon is dating with no inkling of remorse.

Her beau Armand, a wealthy count, sparks Alejandro’s rage;

Joaquin is likewise angry when the couple get engaged.

 

Joaquin, while snooping round McGivens, catches on a rope,

But Zorro saves him, bringing from the scene a bar of soap.

Alejandro is abducted by the Pinkertons and jailed.

They explain that all this time the pair have had his wife blackmailed.

 

Since they knew who Zorro was, Elena bowed to all their wishes

And has since been undercover, for Armand is quite suspicious.

Alejandro gets Joaquin to break him out so he can mount

His devoted steed Tornado and go spy upon the count.

 

Pairing up with brave Elena, they hear from Armand’s own mouth

How he’ll give a new explosive to the war-preparing South.

He disposes of the Pinkertons and learns Elena’s ploy,

Catching her, as well as Zorro and their wily little boy.

 

He unmasks Don Alejandro, to his son’s surprise and shock,

And departs by train to transport his unstable bottled stock.

Zorro finishes McGivens and swashbuckles with Armand

While Joaquin prevents a crowd from blowing to the great beyond.

 

Alejandro and Elena flee before the train careens,

But Armand is not so lucky and is blown to smithereens.

As the lovers marry once again, their country now a state,

Zorro’s called to save the day and is supported by his mate.

_____________________

 

The Legend of Zorro is not as good as its predecessor, The Mask of Zorro, featuring more silly humor and a plot full of historical inaccuracies, but it delivers the swashbuckling action that makes any Zorro movie enjoyable. Many critics disliked it, and I admit it does have some less-than-ideal elements, but most of them can be countered: Zorro’s son is rather irritating and bratty in his Scrappy-Doo enthusiasm, but he clearly takes after his father, though more as he was at the beginning of the first film; Alejandro and Elena spend much of the movie bickering and drunk on his part, but to be fair, most of this was due to her being blackmailed by the Pinkertons (who weren’t even called that in 1850); and I didn’t care for McGivens’s twisted quoting of Scripture to justify his wicked acts, but more faithful Christianity is still presented by the heroes, such as Alejandro’s heartfelt prayer in the church and a cross necklace saving the life of a priest. Thus, it may be a mixed bag, but it’s a mostly entertaining one.

Antonio Banderas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are as appealing as ever, even when their characters aren’t, and I was impressed by Rufus Sewell as Count Armand since, before this, I had only seen him in the very different role of abolitionist Thomas Clarkson in Amazing Grace. Armand is intimidating, but Nick Chinlund plays a much more menacing villain in McGivens. Also, (Lost alert!) Michael Emerson, who went on to play the diabolical Ben Linus on my favorite show, appears as one of the Pinkertons wearing muttonchops.

The movie most excels at its action. It may not be as frequent as the previous films, but the fight scenes are wondrously choreographed, and the final showdown is a standout among train-related conclusions. Some of it can be downright ridiculous, like a horse jumping onto a moving train (though the horse’s reaction to what comes next is priceless), but the climactic explosion is truly spectacular. I was annoyed at several mentions of the “Confederate” states when the Confederacy had not been formed in 1850, but overall the film is not as bad as many critics made it out to be, so it really is a shame that there were no further Zorro sequels. Since Hollywood has been redoing just about every franchise lately, I’m sure they’ll get around to rebooting Zorro sooner or later, though I can’t see anyone else satisfactorily replacing the two leads.

Best line: (Joaquin, not knowing his father’s secret, after his father defeats a bunch of prison guards) “Where did you learn to do that?” (Alejandro) “Prison changes a man.”

 

Artistry: 5

Characters/Actors: 7

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: 8

Originality: 6

Watchability: 7

Other (violence and aforementioned issues): -2

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #226 – Forget Paris

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting

 

Rocky II (1979)

Tags

Drama, Romance, Sports

Against Apollo, Rocky fought;

Did he win? He did not.

Apollo wants another shot

Since Rocky did so well.

 

But Adrian wants Rocky just

To take it easy, as discussed.

He promised, so he feels he must

Quit boxing for a spell.

 

Proposing to his wife-to-be,

He spends his money zealously.

A brand new house that’s far from free

And much more Rocky buys.

 

Commercials aren’t his cup of tea,

And work grows scarce unluckily.

He’s soon reduced to poverty

And heeds Apollo’s cries.

 

His trainer Mickey warns the fight

Could make Rock lose his own eyesight

But trains him once again, despite

Rock’s wife’s ignored objections.

 

When Adrian gives birth unplanned,

She falls into a coma, and

Her husband stays there close at hand,

Affirming his affections.

 

When she awakes, they see their son;

Although Rock’s training had begun,

He lacked the drive to get it done,

Till she tells him to win.

 

He trains with Philly’s full support

With workout styles of every sort.

He soon is ready for his sport,

For his match to begin.

 

He trades blows with Apollo Creed,

Employing his new strength and speed,

Refusing ever to concede,

Though Creed may still prevail.

 

Yet by the end, their power drains,

And both collapse from all their pains,

But Rocky rises and remains,

The newest champ to hail.

__________________

 

Coming three years after the original hit Rocky, Sylvester Stallone returned to his Oscar-nominated role in this sequel, which was even more of a success. The original Rocky is widely considered one of the greatest sports films ever, but as inspiring as it was, Rocky himself was denied the victory. He deserved another chance, and this film gave it to him in outstanding style.

Stallone himself directed this one, as well as Rocky III and IV, and he had the formula down from the start. We all know the basics: Rocky Balboa must fight his way up to a climactic fight to take down an intimidating foe. Yet the magic of Stallone’s performance is in the details, such as Rocky’s clumsy but endearing manner of speaking and proposing marriage, his desire to provide for his family, his faithful vigil at his sick wife’s bedside, and his request for a pre-fight blessing from his parish priest. Carl Weathers as Apollo Creed remains a formidable foe for Rocky, and his motivations for a rematch are sympathetic, even as he goads and insults Rocky into fighting again. Burgess Meredith and Talia Shire also excel as Mickey and Adrian, though I wish the latter looked a little less awkward and uncomfortable in her interactions with Rocky.

The training sequence, again set to the iconic Rocky theme, is as utterly entertaining as all of them, and its final scene, with Rocky climbing the art museum’s steps along with half of Philadelphia, is probably the best of them all. Rocky II is as predictable as all the Rocky films, but it continues the story of its immortal characters with just the right amount of drama, without resorting to killing off characters like the next two sequels did. It’s a crowd-pleasing knockout of a film sure to leave every viewer smiling by the end.

Best line: (a reporter, after the initial fight) “Rocky, do you think you have brain damage?” (Rocky) “I don’t see any.”

 

Artistry: 8

Characters/Actors: 9

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: N/A

Originality: 6

Watchability: 8

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #227 – The Legend of Zorro

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting

 

The Brave Little Toaster (1987)

Tags

Animation, Comedy, Disney, Family, Fantasy, Musical

A toaster and radio, lamp and a blanket,

As well as a vacuum called Kirby reside

Alone in a mountainside cottage and spend

Their days cleaning up the old cabin’s inside.

 

They dream of the day when their Master will come,

The boy who would play with their dials and chrome.

One day Toaster says they should go on a trip

To the city and locate their Master’s new home.

 

They load on an office chair, battery-powered,

With Kirby propelling them over the fields.

They run into animals after a song,

As well as a storm and the power it wields.

 

Through dangers they travel until they are nabbed

By Elmo St. Peters, who’ll harvest their parts.

They trigger a jail break with their fellow tools

And head for the city with all of their hearts.

 

They find the apartment the Master calls home,

But he will soon leave for his school’s freshman year.

His other appliances, jealous of them,

Send Toaster and friends to the dump when they’re near.

 

So close to destruction, they nearly lose hope,

But Master’s in search of a handy device.

He finds them but nearly is killed by a crusher,

Till Toaster saves him with a brave sacrifice.

 

Delighted to have his appliances back,

Nostalgia drives him to repair the old tool.

Again with the Master, they cruise off to college

To service their owner while he is at school.

___________________

 

Coming out soon after The Great Mouse Detective, The Brave Little Toaster was another sign that Disney was gradually improving its animation department, leading to the Disney Renaissance a few years later. With touches of The Incredible Journey, it also is a clear forerunner of 1995’s Toy Story and included some filmmakers, such as Joe Ranft, that went on to success at Pixar. The idea of inanimate objects coming to life when left alone, pining for their owner, and ending up in a dump no doubt inspired the first and third Toy Story films, and the appliances’ retaliation against Elmo St. Peters is similar to the toys’ revenge on Sid, who also cruelly takes them apart.

To be honest, parts of the movie are very juvenile, particularly the encounter with the woodland creatures, and the first song is okay but rather saccharine. Yet the film gets progressively darker as it goes, with the appliances cheating death on several occasions. Plus, the climax is unusually intense considering its lighthearted beginning, and it features a traumatic clown scene that may induce coulrophobia in the young.

The animation is passable, but the voice actors do a tremendous job creating their respective characters, particularly Jon Lovitz as the overly talkative Radio and Thurl Ravenscroft as Kirby the vacuum cleaner. (I kept expecting the latter to say “They’re grrrrrreat!”) All the characters are also surprisingly well-developed, each one (aside from Toaster) being unlikable in their own way but proving their worth by providing a valuable service during the trek. Plus, you’ve got to love all the appliance humor.

The best part for me is definitely the songs. As I said, the first song “City of Light” is good for what it is, but the songs get increasingly ambitious, rising above the music in other kiddie films. My VC loves “It’s a B-Movie,” and I most enjoy “Worthless,” an extremely catchy tune with a brief saxophone solo and some very serious subject matter when you get right down to it. (I know both by heart.) “Cutting Edge” is also quite good, though it dates the film with its boasting of what was high-tech back then.

All in all, The Brave Little Toaster is an excellent kids’ movie in which adults can find plenty to enjoy as well. For kids at heart, like me, it’s a true classic.

Best line: (Radio; it comes out of nowhere so it’s funniest with no explanation) “Why, if we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.”

 

Artistry: 5

Characters/Actors: 8

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 5

Originality: 8

Watchability: 6

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #228 – Rocky II

© 2014 S. G. Liput

115 Followers and Counting

 

#230: X2: X-Men United (2003)

Tags

Action, Drama, Sci-fi, Superhero

A teleporting mutant tries to kill the President,

Which makes them think all mutants maybe have the same intent.

A Colonel William Stryker gets the President to rule

That he can send a team into a certain mutant school.

 

Professor X, meanwhile, visits his magnetic foe

And learns that Stryker questioned the imprisoned Magneto.

It seems that Stryker has a drug that mutants can’t withstand.

Magneto stated everything the Colonel would demand.

 

As Cyclops and Xavier are being apprehended,

Professor X’s school is being raided and defended.

Though Stryker’s soldiers capture some before their blitz is seen,

They’re quickly overwhelmed when they encounter Wolverine.

 

Most kids succeed in getting out, but Logan tries to stay

For he remembers Stryker, although how he cannot say.

Yet Logan flees with Rogue and Bobby, her new icy beau,

As well as John, whose fire powers dub the lad Pyro.

 

Meanwhile, Storm and Jean are searching for the teleporter,

And find him very different from a mutant rights supporter.

A Catholic called Nightcrawler, he has no desire to kill

And was compelled to strike the President against his will.

 

When Wolverine and friends drive up to Bobby’s family,

His parents learn their son’s a mutant who can freeze their tea.

Police arrive and so does Jean to spirit them away

To locate Stryker’s fortress, but to missiles they fall prey.

 

They’re rescued by Magneto, whom Mystique had shrewdly freed,

And the foes combine their forces to prevent the villain’s deed.

For Stryker’s used his son to brainwash Charles with a show

That will make him kill all mutants with a copied Cerebro.

 

As the mutants make their way inside a dam, where lies his lair,

They split up to search the place and find opponents waiting there.

Once Wolverine remembers Stryker gave him metal claws,

He’s forced to fight his bodyguard while Stryker then withdraws.

 

Jean also battles Cyclops, who has been brainwashed as well,

While Nightcrawler and Storm save captured students from their cell.

Magneto finds Xavier and changes things a bit

So he will target humans with a worldwide mental hit.

 

Storm and Nightcrawler prevent this as Magneto gets away,

Taking Pyro as an ally who will fight another day.

Stryker’s injured and abandoned by the Wolverine he made,

And the good guys try escaping as the dam starts to cascade.

 

When the jet cannot lift off, Jean goes outside to help it rise

And aids her friends’ escape before her final sacrifice.

They fly to meet the President to tell him not to fear.

There is evil on both sides, but still the good is also near.

(They all think that Jean is gone, but there’s a chance she’ll reappear.)

____________________

 

Considering how much I love comic book movies, it may seem odd that all the X-Men films are fairly close together and rather low on my list. The X-Men are a memorable superhero team, but their world is one of very realistic strife, which, while timely, sometimes detracts from the fun of watching people with superpowers. They’re also more edgy and violent than Marvel’s other properties. Nevertheless, this sequel to the first X-Men is the best of the bunch with many layers to the plot and characters.

Director Bryan Singer pulls off an amazing balancing act as he crams so many characters into one film. There’s Professor X (Patrick Stewart), Magneto (Ian McKellan), Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), Storm (Halle Berry), Cyclops (James Marsden), Mystique (Rebecca Romijn), Nightcrawler (Alan Cumming), Rogue (Anna Paquin), Iceman (Shawn Ashmore), Pyro (Aaron Stanford), Lady Deathstrike (Kelly Hu), and a sinister Brian Cox as the bad guy William Stryker. Compare this list with any other superhero film’s cast, and one cannot help but admire the skill it took to handle such an expansive and varied ensemble. While some stand out more than others, every character is given a scene to shine, from Wolverine’s awesome showdown with his female counterpart to Pyro’s flame assault to Jean’s climactic sacrifice. (For the record, Cyclops remains the least developed, having little personality other than his unremarkable relationship with Jean. The third film didn’t help that.)

The filmmakers also made some laudable decisions in what they included. Stryker was originally a mutant-hating reverend in the graphic novel God Loves, Man Kills, but they avoided religious demonizing by making him a rogue military man instead. Plus, religion actually gets a good word from Nightcrawler, who follows an inexplicable mention of angelic symbols from Gabriel with a praiseworthy defense of faith.

The movie admittedly feels very long, but it builds to a marvelous cliffhanger that made everyone look forward to the next film. That next film was X-Men: The Last Stand, which I consider one of the worst movies I’ve seen, offering extremely unsatisfying conclusions for three separate characters (though one has been resurrected for Days of Future Past). Needless to say, you won’t see Last Stand on this list, but X2 remains an impressive achievement among comic book films and the best X-Men film so far (though I’ll be seeing Days of Future Past soon).

Best line: (Nightcrawler) “Someone so beautiful should not be so angry.”

(Storm) “Sometimes anger can help you survive. “

(Nightcrawler) “So can faith.”

 

Artistry: 7

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: 8

Originality: 7

Watchability: 6

Other (violence): -3

 

TOTAL: 39 out of 60

 

Next: #229 – Brave Little Toaster

© 2014 S. G. Liput

113 Followers and Counting

 

Surrogates (2009)

Tags

Action, Sci-fi, Thriller

How’d you like to be attractive,

Slick and bold but safe as well?

There are robots interactive

Which can help your life excel.

 

Since Dr. Lionel Canter first

Invented them some years ago,

These surrogates have been dispersed

And now make up the status quo.

 

Lying in your comfy bed,

You’ll see the world through different eyes,

But there are some who frankly “dread”

These rampant robots’ sudden rise.

 

When Canter’s son is having fun

In Canter’s surry late one night,

He’s murdered by an unknown gun

That gives police a wary fright.

 

There has never been a case

Where operators have been harmed.

The FBI is quick to trace

The murderer so gravely armed.

 

The savvy agent Thomas Greer

And partner Peters search as well.

They question too the pioneer

Of surrogates, who’s mad as hell.

 

At home, Greer’s always forced to shun

Cold Maggie, his now distant wife,

Who mourns the loss of their young son,

For surries are her only life.

 

The murderer is quickly found,

And Greer goes out to bring him in,

But his own surrogate is downed

By “dreads,” who think bots are a sin.

 

Tom then is left in his own skin

To find the weapon he had seen.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been

Since he went out with no machine.

 

Although he’s told to stay away,

He learns his boss helped plan to kill

Both Canter and those he can play

In roles his surrogates could fill.

 

Though Canter made these useful bots,

He now regrets this bad mistake.

They’ve changed both people’s lives and thoughts

And made it normal to be fake.

 

Pretending to be flesh and blood,

A bot of his began to lead

The “dreads” against the robot flood,

From which he claims man must be freed.

 

He was found out and targeted

By those who build his own creation.

Now he has the tool instead

To wipe out his abomination.

 

Canter hijacks Peters’ surry,

Using her and his device,

To reach his purpose in a hurry,

Wiping out man’s newest vice.

 

Greer attempts to stop his plan,

But Canter kills himself before.

Tom saves the users (since he can)

But lets the surries hit the floor.

 

The surrogates are useless now,

But Greer can hold his wife once more.

Through changes, life goes on somehow,

And things are as they were before.

____________________

 

It took me a while to finally see Surrogates, but I could tell from the trailers that I would probably like it, being an avid fan of science fiction. Turns out I was right. I think Surrogates is one of the best sci-fi films of recent years, and I am shocked at how many poor reviews it received. It has only a 39% on Rotten Tomatoes, and many critics called it “mindless” action with few deep thoughts. They must have seen a different film because I saw an amazingly multi-faceted commentary on the practical dangers scientific advancement can impart to mankind.

To be honest, the very idea of surrogacy, that of living an unconfined and painless life through an android controlled by one’s thoughts, is downright cool and is owed to a 2005-2006 comic book series on which the film is based. There are so many implications that are both futuristic and very timely in the present day. Some large, ugly man could walk around masquerading as a hot blond, just as many misrepresent themselves online, whether on forums or dating sites. The fact that people live their lives as machines protects them from disease and injury, but it cuts them off from human contact and the true experience of life. Most say this is better, but something is just wrong, much like Facebook somehow brings people closer and inundates them with “friends” while also keeping those “friends” at a distance. What’s more, the surrogates serve as cameras too, so that people’s lives are constantly under surveillance, mirroring the age-old security-versus-safety debate. As neat as it is that authorities can just shut down people’s bodies when they’re about to commit a crime, such power can also be used for harm, as it is at the end.

Much of the movie is spent on the characters and trying to make sense of the convoluted plot, so the action is far from pervasive. Still, it illustrates well the advantages of a surrogate in a fight and boasts one of the few car chases that can get away with ramming into pedestrians. (Don’t try this at home.)

Bruce Willis is a great lead as usual, handling both the action and the dramatic scenes with his wife with equal skill. I think it’s amazing how they made his surrogate self look so much younger, almost as he did in The Sixth Sense. The rest of the cast is good but unremarkable, except for the always masterful James Cromwell as Lionel Canter, creator of the surrogates. Since he played the inventor of the androids in I, Robot, perhaps he should do one more such film, and they can market all three as the James Cromwell robot trilogy.

Surrogates may not delve too deeply into the myriad social implications that it brings up, but their mere presence is enough to raise it above any “mindless” action film. Considering how quickly Facebook and Twitter have become a fixture in so many people’s lives, the opening scenes describing the rise of the surrogates is certainly plausible. It serves as a warning to embrace technological improvements with caution and discretion.

Best line (for all its astuteness, there aren’t that many good lines): “Look at yourselves. Unplug from your chairs, get up and look in the mirror. What you see is how God made you. We’re not meant to experience the world through a machine.”

 

Artistry: 7

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 8

Watchability: 6

Other (some language and violence): -3

 

TOTAL: 38 out of 60

 

Next: #230 – X2: X-Men United

© 2014 S. G. Liput

113 Followers and Counting

 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)

Tags

Action, Sci-fi, Thriller

In 1957, we see Indiana Jones

Surrounded by a band of Russian guards.

Their head Irina Spalko’s fascinated by unknowns

And sure that she is holding all the cards.

 

Within a desert warehouse, Jones is told to find a box

With strange magnetic properties he’d spied.

He does so but escapes aboard a rocket he unlocks

After Mac, his partner, joins the other side.

 

He hides inside a fridge from an atomic bombing test

And then is questioned by the FBI.

A motorcycle boy named Mutt then gives Jones a request

And a letter with a riddle he can try.

 

Mutt’s mother and one Oxley, a professor and a friend,

Were kidnapped and are being held somewhere.

When Jones finds out Peru is where their trail appears to end,

The greaser and the teacher travel there.

 

They follow Oxley’s notes, which lead them to a crystal skull,

And both are caught, and Spalko is to blame.

The Russians captured Oxley, who is now insane and dull,

And Mutt’s mom Marion (of Raiders fame).

 

When Spalko gives to Jones a glimpse of what the skull can do,

She has him show her forces where it leads.

When stuck in quicksand, Marion says Mutt is his son too,

The product of his debonair past deeds.

 

The good guys get out from their bonds and from a truck bed’s walls

And start a long and thrilling jungle chase

Involving fencing, monkeys, ants, and three big waterfalls,

And Jones and friends are first to reach the place.

 

They run into some natives, but the skull has them adjourn,

And soon they’ve found an ancient room of thrones.

A ring of crystal skeletons awaits the skull’s return,

But Spalko does the deed instead of Jones.

 

The creatures then reward her with much more than she can take,

And Jones and friends escape while they still can.

A spinning portal opens, and the earth begins to quake,

And Mac regrets his greed when this began.

 

The aliens retreat into the space between all spaces,

And Jones, Mutt, Ox, and Marion remain.

Both Jones and Marion marry, and the wedded pair embraces.

Now maybe life can finally be mundane?

___________________

 

The first Indiana Jones movie on my list turns out to be the last one released and the one with the most mixed reviews. Many have mocked Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to no end for its absurd contrivances, Shia LaBeouf’s casting as potentially the next Indiana Jones, and that silly scene in which they “nuked the fridge,” which has joined “jumped the shark” as a way to describe the moment when a series or franchise goes too far. Yes, it’s not perfect and not quite on par with its predecessors, but Crystal Skull remains an entertaining return for everyone’s favorite archaeologist.

Let’s not lie: Harrison Ford is old, and his scenes of direct physical combat are a bit unconvincing, but he’s still Indiana Jones and is a good foil for the youthful Mutt Williams, just as Sean Connery was for Ford in The Last Crusade. I thought it noteworthy that, for all his sleeping around, Indiana Jones actually had a son. Just imagine how many kids James Bond may have out there. It was certainly enjoyable to welcome back Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, and most of the other actors fill their roles well, from John Hurt as Harold Oxley to Ray Winstone as Mac and especially Cate Blanchett as Spalko, whom I always think of when I see a similar hairstyle. (Lost alert!) I should also mention that Alan Dale, who played Charles Widmore on my favorite show, has a brief role as a general defending Indy against accusations of treason.

Like the reviews, the plot itself is mixed. It has moments that strain any form of credulity (the fridge scene, Mutt’s Tarzan-style monkey attack) alongside moments of near brilliance (that whole jungle fight/chase is the best part of the movie). I can go from cringing at a creepy graveyard scene to laughing at how the characters somehow stay in the truck going over two waterfalls (they fall out by the third). It hits all the familiar beats that we would expect from an Indiana Jones film, from dangerous booby traps to the requisite creepy crawlies, giant ants in this case. Whatever some may think of it, it’s entertaining without a doubt.

Do I want to see another Indiana Jones film? Maybe. As with most things, it depends what they might do with it. The end of this one seemed like a letdown to my VC, but I suppose it’s a fitting “retirement” for the famous adventurer. Crystal Skull may be the lowest of the Indiana Jones films on my list, but it’s certainly an exciting ride for anyone not in the mood to nitpick.

Best line (mirroring a better one from Raiders of the Lost Ark): (Mutt) “What’s he gonna do now?” (Marion) “I don’t think he plans that far ahead.”

 

Artistry: 4

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 9

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 6

Watchability: 9

Other (silly plot points and some minor language and violence): -3

 

TOTAL: 38 out of 60

 

Next: #231 – Surrogates

© 2014 S. G. Liput

113 Followers and Counting