Brave (2012)

Tags

Action, Animation, Family, Fantasy, Pixar

Princess Merida’s expected always to be lady-like

By her mum Queen Elinor, who nags her constantly.

Weapons are forbidden on the dinner table too;

Merida must act the way that princesses should be.

 

Marriage is the straw that breaks the loaded camel’s back;

Merida can’t stand the fact that it must be arranged.

Archery decides the ugly clan chief’s son she’ll wed

Till she then outshoots him, hoping fate will now be changed.

 

Words are frightful weapons when they’re aimed at those you love;

Elinor and Merida prove this to be a fact.

Merida runs off into the forest in her grief,

Finding wisps that lead her to the way she will react.

 

Locating a cottage and a wood-engraving witch,

Merida finagles quite a vague and shady spell.

When she gives her mother this enchanted little cake,

Fate indeed is altered, for her mother isn’t well.

 

Elinor is changed into a giant, clumsy bear,

Merida insisting that it’s not at all her fault.

Siblings help them both to flee the castle right away,

Dodging their bear-hating father’s guaranteed assault.

 

Merida attempts to find the witch, but she is gone,

Nothing to assist her but a strange and cryptic rhyme.

Though her mother’s getting used to being more relaxed,

Merida is worried she won’t find a cure in time.

 

Learning that the spell brought down a kingdom long ago,

Altering a prince into the demon bear Mor’du,

Merida attempts to mend a tapestry she tore,

Thinking this will heal her mum, but quandaries ensue.

 

War among the clans is stopped when Merida decides

Everyone should get to choose their own selected spouse.

Happiness is short-lived, for her father finds her mum;

Fergus thinks she killed his wife and drives her from the house.

 

Elinor is hunted by her husband and his men.

Merida, however, will not let them follow through.

Suddenly they are assaulted by the demon bear,

Elinor defending them and vanquishing Mor’du.

 

As the sunrise dawns to make the spell a lasting change,

Merida can merely now apologize and wait.

Love succeeds in bringing back the Elinor she knows,

Changing both of them and truly bettering their fate.

_____________________

 

The second Pixar film on my list, Brave is a Scottish-set fairy tale that feels different from all previous Pixar projects. It’s a fine film to be sure with beautifully animated scenery that is alternately lush or barren, often extremely realistic, as well as lovely Celtic music and an exciting climax. Nonetheless, when people list off Pixar films (Toy Story, The Incredibles, WALL-E), Brave will almost certainly be one of the last to come to mind.

It’s an excellent movie, but it’s a strange mix of inspiration and unoriginality. The young hero/heroine straining to be themselves under the oppression of an overbearing authority figure has been overused in plenty of films, from The Sword in the Stone to The Little Mermaid to Ratatouille. The fateful bulls-eye that splits a previous arrow is borrowed directly from the Robin Hood stories. Plus, the plot twist of a bear transformation was already used in Disney’s earlier Brother Bear, as was the recycled line “I don’t speak bear.” Considering Brave was an original fairy tale, I wonder why Pixar didn’t think of something other than a rehashed bear. Brave was originally to be titled The Bear and the Bow (a better title, in my opinion), but it might as well be Mother Bear.

On the other hand, it’s refreshing to see a strained parent-child relationship that doesn’t call on the parent alone to change. Everything is set right only when Merida owns up to her mistake and accepts that all of this is her own fault. The part with the woodcarver witch has the funniest scenes, and the buildup to the transformation is nicely handled. While the Scottish accents were previously applied to the Vikings in How to Train Your Dragon, here the Scottish brogue is more than just a way of talking but a way of life, along with colloquialisms like “dinnae” and “gammy,” as well as realistic highland games.Also, not many films have a touching mother/daughter relationship with both parties being at fault and sympathetic at the same time.

Brave may not be Pixar’s best, but it is a gorgeously rendered addition to their string of hits. Ignore the uninventive elements, and you’ve got another Pixar classic.

Best line: (King Fergus, to Elinor) “Pretend I’m Merida; speak to me…. [in a girly voice] I don’t want to get married, I want to stay single and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

 

Artistry: 6

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 6

Visual Effects: 10

Originality: 3

Watchability: 6

 

TOTAL: 37 out of 60

 

Next: #250 – Citizen Kane

© 2014 S. G. Liput

92 Followers and Counting

 

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)

Tags

Comedy, Disney, Drama, Family

The young bulldog Chance tells us all in advance that he needs no home or owner.

He was lost and found and has been to the pound so he thinks himself a loner.

His family, though, which has started to grow with a stepdad for his kid,

Loves Chance a lot, even when he cannot help but do what they forbid.

 

There’s Shadow as well, a retriever by smell, who is tranquil, old and wise,

And Sassy the cat, who Chance likes to jeer at, though her skills catch him by surprise.

When Dad has to move, all the kids disapprove, for the animals must stay behind.

A family friend on whom they can depend agrees to keep all three confined.

 

The ranch where they’ll stay seems so far, far away that the children hate to leave,

And Shadow and Sassy, as faithful as Lassie, are sad to see them grieve.

They patiently wait and they both contemplate what could cause this sudden defection,

While Chance could care less, with too much to assess on the farm for introspection.

 

When Shadow feels strongly that something is wrong, he decides to depart for their home,

And Sassy and Chance, who are shy to advance, then join him to ramble and roam.

Naïve as they are, they believe it’s not far, but they soon are presented with trials:

The Sierra Nevadas, like wooded armadas, extending before them for miles.

 

From creepy night scares to giant brown bears to hunger they never have known,

These unseasoned pets are hounded by threats as they press over meadow and stone.

They suffer a loss at a river they cross as Sassy is carried away.

While watching birds soar, a man finds her on shore and gives her a warm place to stay.

 

The dogs are confronted and afterward hunted by some mountain cat that was spying.

A plan they devise takes the cat by surprise and sends the immense feline flying.

When Sassy is better and no longer wet, her desire for home makes her part.

She joins with her pals and improves their morales so the rest of their journey can start.

 

They find in the forest a girl at her poorest, alone for some reason and cold.

They stay with the child, so lost in the wild, and make sure a search party’s told.

Her parents are grateful, and this turns out fateful, for all three are quickly embraced.

Their owners are given the news and are driven to where their dear pets have been placed,

But Chance thinks they’ve found the deplorable pound so all of them flee and are chased.

 

Their kids are too late, for the pets couldn’t wait but keep on their homeward-bound trip.

When all that remains is a trek through some trains, poor Shadow then suffers a slip.

He falls in a pit, cannot climb out of it, and starts to act sad and morose,

But Sassy and Chance urge him still to advance, especially since they’re so close.

 

The kids that they’ve trekked a long way to protect are glad to hear barking and yell.

First Chance rushes there, though he claimed not to care, and Sassy then follows as well.

Though Shadow is hurt, he climbed out of the dirt and joins with his person to play.

Though Chance likes to roam, this new family and home are now where he’s happy to stay.

______________________

 

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey is one of those perfect children’s movies that adults enjoy just as much as the kids. A remake of Disney’s 1963 adaptation of a Sheila Burnford novel, both entitled The Incredible Journey, this film is a must for dog and cat lovers. (I am the latter.) While the book and the previous version were set in Canada, this one is among the glorious vistas of the Sierra Nevada mountain range.

While Homeward Bound has the three main animals speak to each other, their mouths do not move, whether for budget or believability reasons, but their conversations are just as good as other films that do have creatures literally speak, such as Babe or Charlotte’s Web. This is due to a clever script that pokes fun at common dog-and-cat behavior with a host of great lines, as well as the perfect voice acting. Michael J. Fox brings great energy as Chance, and Don Ameche is much more likable as Shadow than he was in Trading Places. My favorite, though, is Sally Field as Sassy, whose voice I can now hear coming from any snooty feline. How they trained the animals to do everything in this picture is astounding, particularly the very real-looking scene of a poor kitty swept away by a rushing river. Even when the animals messed up, such as some scenes in which Chance slips while running, they just included it as an extra joke in the voiceover. “I meant to do that.”

While the animals are spot-on, the human side of the coin sometimes feels like a TV movie, understandable considering that first-time director Duwayne Dunham went on to direct some respectable Disney Channel films like Halloweentown, The Thirteenth Year, and Now You See It…. Luckily the animals are the stars, and the audience can’t help but root for them, even though their journey was totally unnecessary. If they had just stayed, nothing bad would have happened. Dogs.

Full of breathtaking mountain scenery and touching reunions, Homeward Bound is a wonderful movie for any pet lover and a fond carryover from my childhood.

Best line (there are many): (Sassy) “Yes. I’ll get food by acting like I don’t want food.”

(Chance) “That’s stupid.”

(Sassy) “I’ll prove it.”

(Chance) “Oh, you don’t have to prove it. I believe you’re stupid.”

 

Artistry: 6

Characters/Actors: 7

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 5

Originality: 5

Watchability: 7

 

TOTAL: 37 out of 60

 

Next: #251 – Brave

© 2014 S. G. Liput

89 Followers and Counting

 

Jumpin’ Jack Flash (1986)

Tags

Action, Comedy, Thriller

Miss Terry Doolittle works for a bank,

Where her conversations are casually frank.

A friendly, disheveled, productive commuter,

She spends her days typing into a computer.

Then one day, her life takes a turn unforeseen

When “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” says hello on her screen.

 

At first, she assumes it’s a practical joke,

Some wisecracking trickster who wants to provoke,

But soon she discovers this analog stranger

Is some British spy trapped in Europe in danger!

He gives her instructions which don’t make much sense

And only cause threats on her life to commence.

 

The contacts he gives her just end up deceased

Or don’t seem to care for poor Jack in the least,

And every attempt to find Jack a way out

One Jeremy Talbot is eager to rout.

With help from the wife of another lost spy,

She learns that the KGB is the bad guy.

 

She grows close to Jack in their shared conversation;

A date with this spy is her one expectation.

When she has success in releasing her chap,

She’s captured by foes and is told it’s a trap.

With desperate shenanigans, she gets away

And tries to warn Jack of sly Talbot’s foul play.

 

She narrowly makes it with aid from a spy,

Who helps bring Jack home and, you know, not die.

Though Terry’s expecting their subsequent date,

Jack doesn’t show up, leaving Terry to wait,

But, at Terry’s office, Jack finally shows,

Fulfilling his promise, and off the pair goes.

___________________

 

Jumpin’ Jack Flash was only Whoopi Goldberg’s third film, and, immediately following her star turn in The Color Purple, it was a return to her comedic roots. Other actors lend their talents as well, from respected thespians to popular comedians, including Stephen Collins, John Wood (WarGames), Jim Belushi, Carol Kane, Phil Hartman, Jon Lovitz, and Jonathan Pryce as Jack, who is only heard throughout most of the film. The computer element of the plot may date it, like Cloak and Dagger or Tron, but Terry’s typed conversations with Jack are well-edited, as if they’re talking to each other over the phone.

The script and direction supposedly went through a lot of issues before the film was completed, but the final result is a comedic gem, despite receiving several negative reviews upon its release. Whoopi Goldberg is just plain cute as Terry Doolittle, and her reactions, whether to good-natured workplace banter or to threats against her life, are hilarious. As typical of spy films, there are the usual creepy or threatening scenes but nothing really violent, and the comedic touches throughout strike just the right balance between tension and humor, leaning more toward the latter. My VC and I love the part where Terry tries to decipher the lyrics to the Rolling Stones’ song “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” and the phone booth scene and Terry’s subsequent drugged rant is hilarious, one of those great laugh-a-minute sequences.

Unfortunately, as with Trading Places, Jumpin’ Jack Flash is heavy on the language with Whoopi Goldberg especially having a foul mouth, which various characters comment on. Considering that the violence is minimal, it’s a shame that this alone warranted an R rating. As with other movies on my list, catch a cut version on TV some time. You’ll be glad you did.

Best line: (a drugged Terry, when stopped by a spa security guard named Earl) “You see this face, Earl. This is the face of a woman on the edge.”

(Earl) “I know, my wife’s got the same face.”

(Terry) “Now, you gotta decide, Earl. Do you wanna work here, or do you wanna live?”

(Earl, intimidated) “I quit. I quit.”

 

Artistry: 6

Characters/Actors: 8

Entertainment: 9

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 8

Watchability: 8

Other (language): -10

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #252 – Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey

© 2014 S. G. Liput

87 Followers and Counting

 

Gettysburg (1993)

Tags

Action, Drama, History, War

Gettysburg! The town where North and South did chance to meet,

The peaceful hills and meadows that became a battlefield.

Both Yankee blues and rebel grays would not accept retreat

Until the farms of war had offered up their bloody yield.

Although Lee’s troops fought bravely, he was forced to face defeat;

With Pickett’s devastating charge, the battle’s fate was sealed.

 

Heroism shone amid the guns and cannon fire;

Of note was Colonel Chamberlain on Little Round Top’s heights.

They fought with different reasons but the same innate desire,

To end this brothers’ battle, fought for freedom or for rights.

 

May this inspire.

_________________________

 

Gettysburg is long, and I mean looooooong (thus I went with a short poem, a curtal sonnet). At 4 hours and 14 minutes, it is one of Hollywood’s longest movies, originally conceived as a miniseries but bumped up to feature film status by studio backer Ted Turner (who has a cameo in the finished film). History lovers like me will enjoy this meticulously crafted Civil War epic based on Michael Shaara’s historical novel The Killer Angels. There are so many characters and so much time spent detailing Lee’s strategy that it’s not what I would call a casual watch. I love tales of the Civil War, but even I can only watch it occasionally, considering the time investment necessary to view it in its entirety.

The film is almost too ambitious in trying to present such a well-rounded depiction of the famous battle. The first 40 minutes or so before the first battle scene could have been edited down significantly, and some scenes of the explosions and such go on too long. Two sequences, though, stick out as truly awesome in both scale and excitement: Chamberlain’s stand on the wooded slopes of Little Round Top midway through and Pickett’s disastrous charge near the end. Both have that real cast-of-thousands aspect from the old Cecil B. DeMille epics, which have been replaced in modern films with CGI.

While all the actors do a fine job, from Tom Berenger as Lieutenant General James Longstreet to Martin Sheen as Confederate General Robert E. Lee, again two performances emerge as the best. Richard Jordan (in his last film role) is excellent as Confederate “Lo” Armistead, who regrets having to fight an old friend on the opposite side, and Jeff Daniels gives an Oscar-worthy portrayal of Union Colonel Joshua Chamberlain of the 20^th Maine regiment. Their stories are the most interesting, and both give stirring pro-American speeches that make Gettysburg perfect for July 4 viewing (plus the battle was fought from July 1-3, 1863).

One thing I much appreciate is that, despite the 53,000 lives that were lost at the battle of Gettysburg, the film manages to be almost entirely bloodless. Some think war films ought to be more realistic in their portrayal of violence, but this film captures the right balance between being fittingly intense without getting gruesome.

If you are easily bored by long films or have little interest in history, Gettysburg probably isn’t the right film for you, but every now and then I feel it’s important that we remind ourselves of the hardships and horrors of war that went into securing freedom for all and keeping this country together.

Best line: (Brigadier General James Kemper to Pickett) “I gotta hand it to you, George. You certainly do have a talent for trivializin’ the momentous and complicatin’ the obvious. You ever considered runnin’ for Congress?”

 

Artistry: 8

Characters/Actors: 8

Entertainment: 5

Visual Effects: 9

Originality: 7

Watchability: 2

Other (length): -3

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #253 – Jumpin’ Jack Flash

© 2014 S. G. Liput

83 Followers and Counting

 

Silverado (1985)

Tags

Action, Drama, Western

When three would-be killers close in on a derelict shack,

One Emmett succeeds in shooting them down in a flash.

He later meets Paden, who’s also endured an attack

But didn’t fare well, having lost both his hat and his cash.

 

The two journey on to a town where the cocky young Jake,

Emmett’s brother, is locked up for murder, awaiting the noose.

When Paden joins him behind bars for his stolen hat’s sake,

He helps the self-confident rogue and himself to break loose.

 

They flee the town’s sheriff with help from a black man named Mal,

And aid a poor wagon train, also the victims of theft.

They ride to the town Silverado, a dusty locale,

Controlled by the rancher McKendrick, with few good men left.

 

The sheriff in town is an old friend of Paden’s named Cobb,

Who brings him to Stella, the small owner of the saloon.

Cobb shoots down a manager, then awards Paden his job,

But Cobb is corrupt and works for the ranching tycoon.

 

Mal’s father is punished for spurning McKendrick’s land grab;

His prostitute sister is likewise in danger in town.

McKendrick hates Emmett, whose presence removes an old scab,

And orders his various henchmen to bring Emmett down.

 

McKendrick’s men take Emmett’s nephew and ride off on horses,

And Cobb lets it happen, an act Paden cannot condone.

So Emmett and Mal, with both Paden and Jake, combine forces

To stop this corruption and pick each particular bone.

 

Jake shoots down his rival, and Mal saves both Stella and sis,

While Emmett surprises McKendrick and brings the man low.

At last, Paden faces down Cobb and is too good to miss,

Defeating the foe and enacting a new status quo.

 

For Emmett and Jake, California is beckoning still,

And Mal will rebuild his old farmstead McKendrick brought down,

But now Silverado’s in need of a leader with skill,

And Paden steps up as the trustworthy sheriff in town.

_____________________

 

I’ve already stated that I’m not a big fan of Westerns since so many share the same themes and character motivations. Revenge, outlaws, rogues with hearts of gold, and standing up for the defenseless are just a few of the western clichés that Silverado employs, but it puts them all together so entertainingly that I don’t mind as much. As Roger Ebert put it, “This is a story, you will agree, that has been told before. What distinguishes [director and writer Lawrence] Kasdan’s telling of it is the style and energy he brings to the project.” Considering Kasdan’s previous film was the well-cast The Big Chill (one of my VC’s favorite movies, not mine), I’d say he also has a knack for assembling impressive ensembles with good characterization as well.

Unlike so many other stock westerns with only one or two memorable characters, if that, Silverado has an excellent cast, including Kevin Kline, Jeff Goldblum (who were both in The Big Chill as well), Scott Glenn, a young Kevin Costner, Danny Glover, Brian Dennehy, Linda Hunt, John Cleese, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera! There’s also (Lost alert) the wild-eyed Jeff Fahey, who portrayed Frank Lapidus on my favorite show. While not every character is entirely developed, whether sympathetically or otherwise, every actor fills their role well enough to definitely be memorable.

Even though the film’s convoluted plot is full of the aforementioned clichés, it has some highly entertaining parts, like the canyon scene and the stampede rescue sequence. That being said, the final showdown between Cobb and Paden felt unoriginal and rather anti-climactic following a couple more inventive death scenes. All in all, Silverado is a fun, well-written, and fairly clean modern western that sadly didn’t quite revive the genre as much as some had expected. There’s a fine line between a cliché and a reinvention, and Silverado walks it pretty well.

Best line: (Cobb) “We’re gonna give you a fair trial, followed by a first class hanging.”

 

Artistry: 6

Characters/Actors: 9

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 4

Watchability: 6

Other (brief language and anti-climax): -4

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #254 – Gettysburg

© 2014 S. G. Liput

82 Followers and Counting

 

Treasure Planet (2002)

Tags

Action, Animation, Disney, Family, Sci-fi

Jim Hawkins grew up with the stars in his head

And the dread pirate Flint sailing all round his bed.

He’d dream of the treasure, while he was a kid,

Which this space pirate took to a planet and hid.

But twelve years have left, as his father did too,

And Jim’s a delinquent with little to do.

 

But that will soon change; Jim’s adventures begin

When Billy Bones enters the old Benbow Inn.

He gives Jim an orb before joining the morgue

And warns him about an impending cyborg.

The inn is attacked then and burned to the ground,

But Jim and his mom flee with what they have found.

 

Jim opens the sphere with a twist and a tap

And finds that it’s Captain Flint’s lost treasure map.

Their friend Dr. Doppler is wholly entranced,

Agreeing a voyage be quickly financed.

They’re off to the spaceport, as hastily planned,

With Captain Amelia, a cat, in command.

 

Jim then meets John Silver, the garrulous cook,

Who has more prosthetics than ol’ Captain Hook.

He’s wary at first of this cyborg-y one,

But soon they are bonding like father and son.

A close supernova makes their escape narrow

But swallows the trusty first mate, Mr. Arrow.

 

While Hawkins is hidden, he hears Silver talk

With the crew of a mutiny, which causes him shock.

As Jim tells the captain and Doppler of this,

The mutiny begins because something’s amiss.

The three journey down to the planet they’ve found,

Escaping the pirates by ramming the ground.

 

While searching for shelter, Jim meets up with B.E.N.,

A robotic castaway who shares his den.

With B.E.N.’s manic help, Jim goes back to the ship

To get back the map which he lost his first trip.

Back down on the planet, they all end up caught,

But Jim wields the map because Silver cannot.

 

The sphere leads the band to a portal of sorts,

That must have been used by Flint and his cohorts.

The right portal leads to the planet’s own core,

Where treasures abound, as recorded in lore.

They have a brief moment to revel in gold

Before a sly booby trap starts to take hold.

 

The planet begins to break up and explode,

And Silver saves Jim at the cost of his lode.

The heroes attempt to escape from the blast

But see they won’t make it when they lose the mast.

So Jim turns them round to the portal they saw

And sailing right through it, they barely withdraw.

 

It takes them back home just before certain death

And gives them a moment to re-catch their breath.

While Silver shoves off and Jim lets him retreat,

The cyborg is proud of “Jimbo’s” awesome feat.

Now that he’s done something to earn admiration,

Jim has a bright future in space navigation.

_____________________

 

Treasure Planet should have been a hit, but, despite fairly good reviews from critics, it never gained much of an audience and sadly joined a string of Disney flops that led to the canning of their traditional animation department. I don’t understand the chilly reception since the film has much going for it. It’s a futuristic telling of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, with spectacular cutting-edge visuals that combined hand-drawn and CGI animation, funny and likable characters, and some truly touching scenes. It’s also Disney’s most exciting animated movie, in my opinion, and was nominated for an Oscar (unfortunately losing to Spirited Away).

The voice actors suit their characters perfectly. The roles of Captain Amelia and Dr. Doppler were written with Emma Thompson and David Hyde Pierce in mind, but Brian Murray as Silver and an up-and-coming Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jim Hawkins fill their roles equally well. Martin Short is at his most frenetic as B.E.N., the castaway who has literally lost his mind, at times making Robin Williams look like a Type B personality. The script ranges from tear jerking to hilarious, and I love a few well-timed references to Star Trek and Jaws.

With all this going for it, why then did the movie bomb? I can’t say. Roger Ebert claimed it was too “gimmicky” to futurize the classic adventure novel, but I don’t think this gimmick is any worse than, say, The Great Mouse Detective, in which Disneyreimagined a Sherlock Holmes mystery with rodents. Then again, John Musker and Ron Clements did direct both films. Hmm.

It’s true that the concept may not be as original as it at first seems. Don Bluth’s even less-successful Titan A.E. was released just two years earlier and featured a heavy mix of traditional animation and CGI and a science fiction plot involving a fatherless young rogue following a map through the stars. In addition, there was even an Italian miniseries in the 1980s entitled Treasure Island in Outer Space or Treasure Planet. I don’t know if anything in Disney’s film was drawn from that, but it’s interesting to note.

As much as I’ve defended Treasure Planet, I must admit that, compared with most of Disney’s films, it just doesn’t stick out like others do. I may just like other movies better, but Treasure Planet is nonetheless a wondrous retelling of a classic story that anyone can enjoy.

Best line: (Captain Amelia to Dr. Doppler) “Doctor, to muse and blabber about a treasure map in front of this particular crew demonstrates a level of ineptitude that borders on the imbecilic! And I mean that in a very caring way.”

 

Artistry: 6

Characters/Actors: 7

Entertainment: 9

Visual Effects: 10

Originality: 5

Watchability: 8

Other (I just like other films more): -9

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #255 – Silverado

© 2014 S. G. Liput

81 Followers and Counting

 

Trading Places (1983)

Tags

Comedy

A spoiled fat cat and commodities broker

By name, Louis Winthorpe III,

Is living the high life that everyone wants;

He’s pampered, contented, chauffeured.

 

Meanwhile, an indigent con on the street

Named Billy Ray Valentine lies,

Pretending that he is a crippled war vet,

A less-than-convincing disguise.

 

We see Winthorpe’s bosses, the two brothers Duke,

Debating what fashions a man,

A decent environment or just good breeding,

And so they develop a plan.

 

They take Mr. Valentine off of the streets,

Providing a house, job, and slave,

Then put Louis Winthorpe in Valentine’s place,

To see how the pair will behave.

 

While Valentine grows into Winthorpe’s old job

And earns model citizen status,

His counterpart soon is bereft on the streets,

Realizing that nothing is gratis.

 

Poor Winthorpe is framed as a dealer of drugs

And scorned by his own fiancée,

And only a hooker he met has the heart

To furnish a place he can stay.

 

While Winthorpe depends on Ophelia’s good graces,

He plans to avenge his old life.

He tries to get even with Valentine, proving

That man can be molded by strife.

 

One Duke brother pays up a paltry amount,

Having ruined the star of the corp.,

But Valentine hears them discussing their plan

And tracks suicidal Winthorpe.

 

Together they plan to take Duke & Duke down;

A crop report’s all that they’ll need.

If they get a fake one, the Dukes will be crushed

By the stock market and their own greed.

 

They jump through some hoops to obtain the report

And to give the Duke’s false information.

Then, armed with the truth, the two once-guinea pigs

Grow wealthy on stock domination.

 

The Dukes are soon three-hundred mil in the hole

And losing their power and health,

But Winthorpe and Valentine, with their good friends,

Are basking in pleasure and wealth.

_____________________

 

Trading Places is one of those movies on my list that, like Panic Room and Good Will Hunting before it, I do not advise anyone to see uncut. Until this time, I had always seen it cut on TV, and it is much more enjoyable without the myriad F-words and scenes of nudity. The plot itself has drawn comparisons to The Prince and the Pauper, but, unlike Mark Twain’s classic story, the switch is not voluntary but forced. Also, considering that Dan Aykroyd plays Winthorpe and Eddie Murphy plays Valentine, they look nothing alike.

There is so much to love about this movie. The opening is memorable as people around Philadelphia get ready for the day to Mozart’s glorious overture to the Marriage of Figaro (which, as a story about young people scheming against a schemer, is also a potential inspiration for the film). The fish-out-of-water scenes involving Murphy and Aykroyd are well-acted, and the New Year’s Eve train scene, in which they try to swindle the stolen crop report, is alone worth seeing the whole movie. “Beef jerky time!”

Aside from the obvious language issue, one thing that bothers me is that I spent much of the movie feeling sorry for people. While Valentine got the best deal of anyone, Winthorpe just kept sinking lower and lower until he hit rock bottom. He may have been a self-absorbed priss at the beginning, but I don’t think he deserved that much abuse. I even felt sorry for the Dukes’ thug Clarence Beeks, played by Paul Gleason (better known as the principal in The Breakfast Club). If you’ve seen Trading Places, you’ll know why. All that being said, I felt no sympathy whatsoever for the coldhearted Duke brothers, played perfectly by Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche. I suppose I should also mention the decent performances of Jamie Lee Curtis as Ophelia and Denholm Elliott (aka Marcus Brody of Indiana Jones fame) as the butler Coleman, who got off a bit too easily for his part in the Dukes’ scheme.

All in all, Trading Places is an outstanding comedy that could easily have been made without warranting its R rating. With great actors and a socially perceptive script that also tries to actually explain the stock market to its audience (with limited success, in my case), it certainly deserves a place on my list.

Best line (aside from the one referenced above): (Valentine, after breaking something heavily insured) “You want me to break something else?” (everyone else) “NO!”

VC’s best line: (the deep-voiced Big Black Guy) “Yeah!”

 

Artistry: 7

Characters/Actors: 9

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: N/A

Originality: 8

Watchability: 8

Other (language, nudity): -4

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #256 – Treasure Planet

© 2014 S. G. Liput

79 Followers and Counting

 

The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

Tags

Animation, Disney, Family

The toymaker Flaversham makes the best toys

Of any mouse London has seen,

Which catches the eye of a villain who sends

A bat to abduct the old bean.

His daughter Olivia’s now all alone,

So a helpful gent must intervene.

 

This gent is, of course, Dr. David Q. Dawson,

Who won’t let her stay all alone.

He guides her to Baker Street, where they meet with

A detective named Basil, who’s known

For solving great crimes. He’s uncaring at first,

Having problems and such of his own.

 

But when he hears tell of the bat that’s involved,

This Basil of Baker Street knows

His nemesis Ratigan must be behind it,

A plan that he now must expose,

For Ratigan’s famous for being depraved,

The foulest, most wicked of foes.

 

This time he is forcing the toy man to build

A robotic clone of the queen,

Replacing the real one with his lookalike

To be the top mouse on the scene.

His cat will eat Flaversham and his young daughter

If he doesn’t build the machine.

 

So Basil and Dawson (Olivia too)

Ride off on one Toby, a hound,

In search of ol’ Ratigan’s peg-legged bat,

Who’s stealing and snooping around.

The bat grabs the girl and then gets away clean,

But soon an important clue’s found.

 

The pair of detectives drop in at a pub

In their search for the villainous chap,

And, after poor Dawson has much too much fun,

They follow the bat through a gap,

But Basil is soon made to feel like a fool

When he walks into Ratigan’s trap.

 

The bad guy conspires to do his foe in

With a mousetrap, an axe, and the like,

But can’t stay to watch since he’ll be much too busy

Directing his villainous strike.

Yet Basil snaps out of his self-induced shame

To save them all, even the tyke.

 

They rush to the palace, where Ratigan’s plan

So far has been going as planned,

But after our heroes recover the queen,

His brilliant scheme gets out of hand.

Then Ratigan flees, having lost his one chance

To be the great mouse of the land.

 

A chase through the city in two big balloons

Ends up with a terrible crash.

High up in Big Ben, dodging clockwork and gears,

Both Basil and Ratigan clash.

Though Ratigan hates to be branded a rat,

He turns into one in a flash.

 

The face of the clock sees their final showdown,

And both plummet from a great height,

But Basil’s inventiveness saves him again,

And everyone’s gladly all right.

Together, the Flavershams take their leave, but

Dawson’s now Basil’s new partner, quite.

_________________

 

The Great Mouse Detective, based on Eve Titus’s Basil of Baker Street book series, was a ray of hope for Disney’s animation department when it was released to good reviews in 1986. After Disney’s dark ages of the 1970s and ‘80s, with such good but unimpressive fare as Robin Hood, The Rescuers, and The Black Cauldron, this film proved there was still interest in well-made animated movies. Oliver and Company came next, but The Great Mouse Detective paved the way for 1989’s The Little Mermaid and the whole of the Disney Renaissance.

The movie is an enjoyable little Sherlock Holmes parody, translating the characters into mice and rats. While the film has few big names in it, Vincent Price steals every scene as the treacherous Ratigan, and the celebrated actor sounds like he had a lot of fun recording his lines. The other characters are appropriately likable (Basil, Dawson) or cute (Olivia), though not quite as memorable as later Disney efforts. The filmmakers even used some recorded dialogue from one of the original Sherlock Holmes, Basil Rathbone.

The Great Mouse Detective is obviously aimed at children but does feature some aspects unusual to most popular animation, such as smoking, drunkenness, a burlesque-style musical number, and a scene in which a mouse is eaten whole, which made my mother uncomfortable the first time I saw it as a child. It’s nonetheless a fine kid-friendly mystery and even has some fairly exciting scenes. Though the climax was clearly inspired by the end of Miyazaki’s The Castle of Cagliostro, in this film it’s less cartoony, and the gears (made using early CGI) are more evocative of size and danger for the characters.

The Great Mouse Detective is one of those films I always enjoyed while growing up, and, though it may not have the same magic as it once did, it’s still a short but entertaining jaunt through Mousedom.

Best line: (Basil) “There’s always a chance, Doctor, as long as one can think.”

 

Artistry: 5

Characters/Actors: 6

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 6

Originality: 5

Watchability: 7

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #257 – Trading Places

© 2014 S. G. Liput

79 Followers and Counting

 

Spy Kids (2001)

Tags

Action, Comedy, Family

Young Carmen and Juni Cortez do not know

That their parents are settled-down spies.

While Juni is friendless, his sister skips school,

And both tell their parents some lies.

 

When spies from the OSS start to go missing,

Both Ingrid and Greg are called in.

Reluctantly, they leave their children behind

With Felix, their uncle and kin.

 

The parents are soon apprehended by Floop,

The host of a weird children’s show.

This Floop has turned agents he’s caught into freaks

And proves a formidable foe.

 

He sends out an army of thumb-composed thugs

To seek out the rumored Third Brain,

Which he needs for the army of mechanized kids

He’s built so that evil can reign.

 

While Carmen and Juni are minding their business,

Their house is attacked by Thumb-Thumbs.

So their Uncle Felix, who isn’t their uncle,

Fights off the robots but succumbs.

 

The children escape to a safe house for spies,

And try to absorb what they’ve learned,

But soon their un-safe house is changed to a trap

By a spy girl that must have been turned.

 

They flee with the Brain to a city nearby

And argue of what they should do.

But soon the Brain’s taken by their doppelgangers

Who fly away into the blue.

 

The children seek out their real uncle Machete

Who builds lots of gadgets for spies.

He hates his own brother but shows them a plane

That is both fast and just the right size.

 

They fly to Floop’s castle, where Floop has been having

Some quite bothersome second thoughts.

His minion named Minion then locks Floop away

And begins to start calling the shots.

 

Both Carmen and Juni free Ingrid and Greg,

And Juni brings Floop to their side.

They fight off the Spy Kids till Floop can reprogram

The robots with fun as their guide.

 

At last, the Cortezes are honest and true,

And even Machete forgives.

A family of spies is a dangerous thing,

As long as togetherness lives.

_______________

 

Spy Kids was a hit when it first came out in 2001 with a 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, and, though the series devolved into the terrible Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, it started off with an entertaining bang. The action is often exaggerated to the point of being campy, and Carmen and Juni’s realistic bickering gets old after a while, but the film is a wonderful endorsement of being honest as a family, much like the admittedly better The Incredibles a few years later.

Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara, who have definitely grown since their roles here, are very convincing as two quarreling siblings who learn their parents are superspies. Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino are also wonderful, if rather ineffective for the most part, as said parents, and I must say both look strikingly attractive. Other roles are filled by Alan Cumming as Floop, Robert Patrick (the T-1000 in Terminator 2) as Mr. Lisp, and Tony Shalhoub (who was just in yesterday’s Galaxy Quest) as Mr. Minion. Plus, there’s a great cameo and sight gag at the very end. Danny Trejo also appears as Machete Cortez, originating the role he would reprise in Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror, Machete, and Machete Kills, all films that are decidedly not kid-friendly.

Floop is sadly a weakness, in my view. While he as a character is fine, his bizarre TV show and mutated extras are things I would expect to see from Tim Burton (not one of my favorite directors), and the fitting score from Danny Elfman strengthens that comparison. My VC and I just don’t care for overly weird films, and a few scenes push into that territory. Also, while the special effects are good, in several parts, like the jet pack scene, it is obvious that the actors are in front of a green screen.

Still, Spy Kids is a Latin-flavored family film that has humor, action, cool gadgets, and all-around fun. Whether you see it with kids of your own or not, it’s an adventure worth taking.

Best line: (a boy in the park, after seeing the robot kids take off with rockets in their feet) “¡Yo quiero los zapatos como esos!” (translated: “I want shoes like that!”)

VC’s best line: (Carmen, at the very end) “Spy work, that’s easy. Keeping a family together, that’s difficult. And that’s the mission worth fighting for.”

 

Artistry: 4

Characters/Actors: 7

Entertainment: 7

Visual Effects: 6

Originality: 7

Watchability: 7

Other (some weirdness): -2

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #258 – The Great Mouse Detective

© 2014 S. G. Liput

77 Followers and Counting

 

#260: Galaxy Quest (1999)

Tags

Comedy, Sci-fi

When Galaxy Quest aired eighteen years ago,

A number of fans became hooked on the show.

The fandom began to progressively grow

Till it now has conventions galore.

Although this old sci-fi’s been long off the air,

Surprisingly people still watch it and care.

The actors, however, are filled with despair

That they’ve no other prospects in store.

 

The cool Jason Nesmith was known as Commander;

His Spock-like advisor was Dane, Alexander;

The hot Gwen DeMarco’s role couldn’t be blander;

The chief engineer was Fred Kwan;

The pilot was young Tommy Webber, who’s grown;

There’s also a redshirt named Guy, who’s unknown

But won’t leave the more famous main cast alone.

Their friendship is pretty much gone.

 

They show up wherever they might be employed.

Jason loves the spotlight, which he doesn’t avoid

Till the others, especially Dane, are annoyed.

But Galaxy Quest is their life.

One day, Jason’s met by the Thermian race,

Who look kinda normal but live up in space.

They say they have need of this space-faring ace

To somehow protect them from strife.

 

Not knowing these Thermians really are real,

He treats their foe Sarris as not a big deal.

His trip back to Earth through the stars makes him feel

That maybe they did speak the truth.

In shock, Jason tells all his “friends” of his task

And takes them all back when the Thermians ask.

They blanch when they see their hosts lacking a mask

And their ruthless foe lacking a ruth.

 

The Thermians picked up the show’s syndication

And thought it historical documentation.

It helped to inspire their civilization

And made them rebuild what they could.

Believing the actors are those on the show,

The Thermians’ knowledge of fiction is slow.

So Jason and friends cannot really say no

And do as their characters would.

 

Their encounter with Sarris goes badly, I fear,

And leaves their ship crippled, but one planet’s near

And might have a brand new beryllium sphere

To power their ship once again.

While Guy is in terror that somehow he’ll die,

They go down and bring back a sphere, or they try.

Though aliens threaten them all, they get by

Till they’re boarded by Sarris’s men.

 

Once Sarris has Jason admit that they lied,

He orders that they get some space – but outside!

They free themselves, yelling about Jason’s pride,

And save all their Thermian pals.

The credit is Jason’s, while Dane has a dearth,

But Jason gets help from some nerds back on Earth,

Who prove that their watching the show does have worth,

Improving their flagging morales.

 

As each actor starts to grow into their role,

The starship Protector’s back in their control.

They blast the foe’s ship and fly through a black hole

On their journey back home, having won.

But Sarris survived (well, that’s quite unforeseen)

And shoots everyone except Guy that’s on-screen.

So Jason turns on the Omega 13,

Which lets him undo what’s been done.

 

They fly down to Earth (with fans’ help, did I mention?),

And draw some applause and excited attention

By crashing a Galaxy Quest fan convention,

And Jason starts sharing the praise.

The show soon reboots, and there’s even a place

For a Thermian Fred fell in love with in space,

And Guy too, who has a last name just in case.

They’re now out of sci-fi clichés.

______________________

 

Many Star Trek fans were wary of Galaxy Quest when it was first released since it seemed like a potential excuse to mock Trekkies left and right. Yet the film manages to miraculously pay homage to the show that so many love (my family and me included), while also poking fun at its themes and fandom and earned praise from several Star Trek actors. Yes, it shows “Questerians” as often chubby geeks who obsess about the show and don’t get out much, but their love of the show isn’t just a cheap joke but an integral part of the plot by the end. The fans save the day, and anyone who is part of a fandom can appreciate that ingenious idea.

The actors are obvious parodies of the cast members of the original Star Trek series. Tim Allen has Shatner’s cocky bravado down pat, and Alan Rickman is a clear counterpart to Nimoy’s Mr. Spock, bemoaning the way he’s been typecast with that undying line “By Grabthar’s hammer, you shall be avenged!” Not as easily reused as “Live long and prosper,” but it’s not bad. Sigourney Weaver as Gwen DeMarco as Tawny Madison is more Janice Rand than Lieutenant Uhura, and Daryl Mitchell is akin to Next Gen’s Wesley Crusher, the stereotypical whiz kid aboard. The funniest of the group are Tony Shalhoub as Fred Kwan, who seems strangely distant, perhaps stoned, as all this weirdness washes over him, and Sam Rockwell as Guy, who constantly worries he’s the expendable redshirt. Each actor so embodies their character embodying their role on Galaxy Quest that I would have liked to see an actual spinoff, perhaps tying into the Star Trek universe. All Trekkers know there are countless different universes out there, after all.

The special effects are actually pretty impressive, the villain Sarris is extremely – uh – villainous, and the Thermians are hilarious, especially Enrico Colantoni as Mathesar, whose erratic laughter ranges from gasps to gagging noises. It even ekes out some moments of pathos, such as Jason’s confession to Mathesar and Dane’s finally getting over his self-inflicted ignominy for the sake of a fallen comrade. Except for an early profanity, the film is also pretty kid-friendly, though in one scene it looks like Sigourney Weaver said the F-bomb, which was dubbed over with a milder word. There are also a few mildly violent and gross parts that may warrant caution for young viewers, but overall Galaxy Quest is a great sci-fi parody that may not be as laugh-out-loud funny as, say, Spaceballs, but it’s a must for both Star Trek fans and anyone who’s ever known someone who’s thought of watching Star Trek.

Best line: (Gwen, after seeing some cannibalistic aliens and thinking that Guy is the only disposable one) “Let’s get out of here before one of those things kills Guy.”

VC’s best line: (convention announcer, introducing Rickman’s Alexander Dane) “Give him a hand; he’s British.”

 

Artistry: 4

Characters/Actors: 7

Entertainment: 8

Visual Effects: 7

Originality: 8

Watchability: 7

Other (brief language and violence): -5

 

TOTAL: 36 out of 60

 

Next: #259 – Spy Kids

© 2014 S. G. Liput

76 Followers and Counting