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Susan assumes that her future is bright.
Her wedding tomorrow can’t help but excite.
Her Derek, a weatherman, is a delight,
And they’re going to Paris, the City of Light.
But then her friends scare her midway through the night,
And then Derek proves that he’s not such a knight.
She’s eager for Paris, but Derek says, “No,”
He would much rather go for a job in Fresno.
 
But Susan supports him, not wanting to fight.
Despite that, the day is still going all right.
But then she gets crushed by a meteorite,
And then Susan glows and grows to a great height,
And then she gives everyone quite a bad fright
And then several SWAT teams have her in their sight.
The government drops her and takes her away,
Effectively ruining her wedding day.
 
She wakes up in some secret government base,
And meets several monsters, confined in disgrace.
The strange Missing Link, who assumes he’s an ace,
A mad scientist with a cockroach’s face,
A blob and a giant have lived in this place
For years, for they frighten the whole human race.
A General Monger explains to poor Sue
She’s a monster and now she must stay out of view.
 
A tentacled alien named Gallaxhar
Detects some Quantonium close to our star.
He sends out a robot to Earth (since it’s far),
Which freaks out the world, from Brazil to Qatar.
But Monger puts forth a suggestion bizarre:
Let monsters fight E.T. and beat out its tar.
So all of the monsters are quickly sent in,
And, main thanks to Susan, they do somehow win.
 
Now having been freed, Susan locates the man
Who loves her, but Derek’s no longer a fan.
Her growing so large was not part of his plan,
So the wedding and all he is now quick to can.
Soon Susan realizes she’s done much more than
She ever would have with Derek’s whole “plan.”
But then Gallaxhar abducts Susan (the cur!).
He wants the Quantonium, which is in her.
 
She’s drained till she’s small, like before she had grown.
Gallaxhar can now mass-produce many a clone
To conquer the earth and to make it his own.
The three smaller monsters, however, are flown
To his ship, and, to clones, all of them are unknown.
So they blend in and rescue poor Susan, who’s prone
To just getting pummeled by energized stone.
Again, height and strength the Quantonium lends,
But, this time, she wants it to rescue her friends.
 
The spaceship explodes with a wonderful blast,
And the monsters are welcomed as heroes at last.
Now Derek hopes Sue won’t remember the past
And will grant him an interview, but not so fast:
His wheedling ways she has gladly surpassed;
She prefers her new life, though it’s such a contrast.
When Paris needs saving, they all fly away,
For monsters have proved they can now save the day.
___________________
 

Monsters vs. Aliens is straight-up parody, lampooning science fiction and B-movies from the 1950s and beyond. With an outlandish plot and silly characters, it’s a film meant for moviegoers with a sense of humor. It sends up everything from Starman to The Fly to the Godzilla movies and probably several films I’ve never even seen. Despite the multitude of spoofs piling up so quickly, Monsters vs. Aliens nevertheless manages to create a decent plot with any holes safely patched with another joke.

Unfortunately, it also falls into the same trend as television cartoons like The Simpsons and The Fairly OddParents, which paint nearly every character as a jerk or an idiot. Except for Susan, almost everyone, particularly men (from the President on down), are sissies, dimwits, or pinheads who are generally unsympathetic. I know that herein lies much of the humor, but it’s a trap that other comedies often avoid.

Still, it’s definitely funny, from spoofing the constant screaming in B-movies to playing the theme to Beverly Hills Cop for the alien probe, a la Close Encounters. Also, unlike Megamind, which had few memorable scenes, several action set pieces stand out, such as the destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge and the explosion of Gallaxhar’s ship. Though the character development is lacking (compared with other Dreamworks films like Megamind), the humor shines and earns Monsters vs. Aliens a place on my list.

Best line: (General W. R. Monger, speaking of Area 51) “This place is an X-file, wrapped in a cover-up and deep-fried in a paranoid conspiracy.”

 
Artistry: 2
Characters/Actors: 3
Entertainment: 7
Visual Effects: 6
Originality: 5
Watchability: 5
 
TOTAL: 28 out of 60
 

Tomorrow: #340: Flightplan

© 2014 S. G. Liput

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